(Ignore)ance

When I first heard of this word, I thought ignorance meant "not wanting to know". Since it has the root word of "ignore", the verb, which means to neglect, pretend someone or something is not there, not paying attention. There is intention involved in ignoring. I assumed ignorance was defined along the same lines, but I assumed wrong when my teacher in 4th grade told me it means simply "not knowing", instead of "not wanting to know". It was a hot, sweaty day after that recess when I learned of what that word meant when we were talking about history and its importance.

A student raised his hand and asked the teacher about the phrase "ignorance is bliss".

"Why do we have to learn history when my parents tells me this all the time?"

The teacher replied, "There are some things that we ought to know, and there are some things we ought not to know. History is important because it will help us understand the mistakes we ought not to repeat."

No students asked anymore questions after that. I wanted to know what those "things" were. Why do we need not to know these "things"? I wondered if these things could ruin my life? Isn't knowledge power? How is knowledge dangerous?

I had those questions throughout middle school and high school. Instead of following that phrase, "Ignorance of bliss", I followed the term "Knowledge is power". The computerized, internet age was beginning to pick up speed as computers, internet access became more and more accessible, more people were able to connect to each other, post knowledge on the web. Being the computer geek I was in middle school, I learned so much through the internet: from computer hardware, troubleshooting to glowsticking (raving) to insight on Hip Hop history, culture. I fed on knowledge and knowledge fed on me. In part, the computer, internet contributed highly to my identity: what was AzN? Counter-Strike? Import Cars? Import Models? How much "pryde" could I convey through my Xx's and Oo's in between, in the ends of my screen name?

Now that I am in college, some of the things I learn about society, human condition, institutions, the ills of history empowers me, yet at the same time, makes me more cynical. Sometimes, it hurts to know. It hurts to be able to deconstruct, destabilize your own reality, your family's reality. It hurts to know that you have agency coming from a environment where being dependent, sheltered was all you knew. It was so easy. Now it's so hard.

“Know history, know self. No history, no self.”–Mel Orpilla