Passed in the Past

It's 5 AM and I still do not know why I'm still awake. I suppose I've gotten so past the sleepy stage that I am now wide awake.

Recap:
-APALI 2009 was definitely a revolutionary year. I am so grateful to have been an intern for this year. No regrets.
-I was able to pass Astronomy class with an astonishing grade of a C+ with little to no effort put into studying for the tests and giving my attention in class. I really disliked the professor who was incredibly condescending and self-righteous towards his students. Screw that guy! I could not stop thinking about how he looks so much like Plato/Aristotle and Santa Claus.
- <3
-I am disappointed that I was not able to catch up with more old friends. I have to keep on reminding myself not to get so caught up in me and my own little world that I create under the circumstances I am in.

Lately, I've been thinking about how and where I fall within the time continuum of space and time (philosphical isn't it?). I've thinking a lot about my past obsessions with computers and technology, especially back in middle school, aka the Counter-Strike days. The days of anime, AzN PryDe along with growing popularity of AzN youth typing in "hip" sticky-capped internet ebonic langauge, searching and experiementations with identity.

I felt back then I was truly ahead of my time in terms of my expertise with computers. I had truly thought that I was going to be a computer engineer or computer programmer until my parents told me my "element", which is wood, was not compatible with steel, which in this respect is associated with computers. I remember helping all my friends with their computer hardware and software problems in person as well as on forums such as viaarena.com and tomshadware.com. I was proud that I had knowledge many did not have since during this time, not many people had computers. This was a time before myspace and facebook while xanga and blogs were gaining a lot of popularity. I was so proud to be a computer geek or nerd. I felt I was ahead of my time relative to the friends I had who did not have access to the type of computing langauge I had.

But now.. I feel like I'm still stuck in 2001. I often get surprised of how "mainstream" internet langauge is nowadays: LOL, LMFAO, OMG can be heard in songs and tv shows. Programs are made so user-friendly nowadays that I feel a lack of independence and control to how I used to feel about using programs from back then. Webpages do not have to be self-coded in HTML anymore. Pirating movies is not just limited to IRC anymore, but can be downloaded and watched on streaming sites and torrents. In many respects, I feel like how my computer is everyday--always becoming obsolete with each second that passes.

I feel like the world that I am an insider, yet outsider in is moving so fast like the skinny kids in my PE class mile-runs that my chubby self cannot keep up with their ever fast times. I'm always a few laps behind. Clocks have hands, but will never give you a helping hand because even when you are behind, it will keep on moving, ticking and tocking, without you.

12 hour days

I've been having 12 hour days interning and taking a class at De Anza; from 8am-8pm. My internship is with APALI, the Asian Pacific American Leadership Institute. So far it's been a great experience. I am really learning a lot about myself, my leadership, and privilege through this program. In fact, I was actually a student in 2007 during the summer before my 1st year at Berkeley. So APALI has been a part of me and my political identity formation for the past 2 years. I really love it

And for the class, I'm taking Astronomy in which I fall asleep whenever the lights go off and the projector turns on. The classroom is in a planetarium with seats that stay reclined for you to gaze up into the spheric ceiling of stars and planets. It feels like the Back to the Future ride at Universal Studios. I am still sad that they got rid of it. I'm taking the class to fullfill my Physical Science breadth requirement. Good thing only the units or credits transfer, not the grade because I do not plan on buying the book or studying for it extensively. I'm basically half-assing the class. hehe

The fact that I am going to be a 3rd year hit me today while I was talking to Huy, one of my good friends from Van Lang who is also going to be a senior in high school. On top of busy days, I've also been guiding and counseling a few friends and family friends on personal statements and college stuff. Everyone's getting older. Back when I was a kid, I never really paid attention to time. I had thought things would stay the same probably because I was sheltered. I didn't move a lot. I had a consistent room. My parents were consistent with each day with the roles they carried out in the household. Wishful thinking indeed.

Summer is great so far! I hope to continue to catch up with old friends and make new ones.